Kamsahamnida

it was indeed a long and exhausting day. note this, not tiring, but EXHAUSTING. I'm too lazy to tell all things, so let's just skip to the big part. today, I went to SAC in anggrek building to ask about scholarship programs. I was wondering if I get a cut in SKS fee because my GPA is 3.9 (self-calculated,the GPA hasn't appeared yet in Binusmaya. urgh, seriously, it's been almost a month) and the scholarship coordinator said that I'd get that cut in the 3rd term. lucky me! but for the following terms, in order to get a cut again, I should apply on becoming Duta Binusian. err. okay. I think I'll join. it's time for me to get more socialized. after all, I think this is the right time to be involved in organizational activities. all my life, I've been a passive student. not in class, but I never joined student body and stuffs.

so, I encouraged and commanded myself to develop my socializing skills. not bad, huh? later, when working, I'll have no problem when talking or assuring my boss, or important clients. pray for me because there will be selection for becoming Duta Binusian.

the next big thing is.... TADA.... it's not big, actually. so today was the re-registration for BNEC. I had classes today so I told scum2 to re-register me. the three of us: scum, dumbass, and me, agreed to take the same class. the sweet thing was, they let me to choose the class because their schedules and mine are hard to be matched. "bentrok" would be the exact word to describe it. we decided to take TOEFL 2. TOEFL, again and again. after previously in Eloquence I'd taken two TOEFL iBT classes, now it's TOEFL. again. but that's okay!!

the title of this post is dedicated to scum and dumbass. thanks. as I said before, you two are good boys who treat me in a different and special way. I'm grateful. flattered. thank you for letting me choose the class and time. infinite X's and O's for you two.

though love left unsaid

"You can love somebody without it being like that. You keep them a stranger, a stranger who's a friend." - Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote

'Love is pain.' believe it or not, it's so true that loving, often times, is painful and agonizing. everyone has someone he or she holds dearest to his/her heart. me too. am and will always be. my only problem is, I'm afraid of commitments. I think I'll never be ready to tie myself to a person, even that person is the one I heart the most. I'm a free person. I have a principle that me, myself, belongs to me only.

one thing I'm sure of myself, I am a coward when it comes to love. when I have someone I like, I won't confess. I would rather keep him as a friend. that's why, love always left unsaid, in my case.

I recalled back then, when I was in junior high, I liked a boy in my class. one day, he hit on me. clearly he said 'Nat, mau ga jadi pacar gua?' wow. I replied 'gak. kita masih terlalu kecil.' I was a special moron in the island full of morons. I liked him, I turned him down. ha!

since then, I was scared if someone likes me. I'm afraid I can't reciprocate their feelings towards me. liking someone is like gambling. we bet whether they like us back or not. I'm weary of love, because when I begin to develop certain feelings, the wait that comes is always painful and sad. for me, it is okay to like a person and never tell them what I feel. It's fine by me to bury all feelings I have for someone. it hurts, but that's okay.

though love won't be said, I understand it from the heart.

By Chance

we met by chance

you and I... the three of us.

we haven't known each other for a long time

but, I truly believe....

that being precious to other people isn't measured by how long I've known you

that the most valuable people usually come in a blink of an eye

that someday, even if you two are not with me anymore, you'll still remain in my heart

that I will always reminisce the times and funny moments we had

thank you, for treating me like a princess

in 18 years of living, no man ever treated me like you two

I'll always remember; the smiles, the laughters, the warmest times we had

amis pour toujours, dumbass and scum

Bitch-back!

"three words. eight letters. say it, and I'm yours."

"break-ups are easy. having to see them date someone else, that's hard."

"maybe I'm a total bitch. ever think about that?"

"I told you. there's a price to pay"

"whoever said money doesn't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop"

"I never thought that the worst thing you'd ever do would be to me"

"destiny is for losers. it's just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen"

"they say it's a broken heart, but I hurt in my whole body...."

- BLAIR CORNELIA WALDORF. XOXO, GOSSIP GIRL.

If...

Taeyeon - Manyageh (If)

If I were to go

If I were to get close to you

What would you think?

I don’t have the courage.

If you were to go,

If you were to leave.

I don’t know how to send you away

It keeps hanging on my mind

I know I am a fool and can only watch you from afar

Your heart may look away from me…

And so we could even become strangers

Just like a fool I can’t even say that I love you because …

We’re afraid the wait that comes upon us

After we meet will be painful and sad.

If you were to come

To come near me.

What would I do ?

I really don’t know

Because I'm like a fool.

Even though i know looking is all I can do

Your heart may look away from me

And so we could even become strangers

Just like a fool I can’t even say that I love you because….

We’re afraid the wait that comes upon us

After we meet will be painful and sad

Because I’m like a fool

Even though I can’t say I love you

We’re afraid the wait that comes upon us

After we meet will be painful and sad.

Sometimes, Goodbyes Are Really Forever

two people falling in love is a funny thing.

they meet, greet, smile, and fall easily for each other.

but, why is it, love flies as easy as when love first comes?

why is it, people fall in love as quick as they fall out of love?

why is it so easy for a person to find a new person to love?

of all the nightmares, this is the worst one for me

knowing that I probably will never fall in love again

now I understand

that holding hands are different from falling in love

that kisses don't always mean something

that promises can be broken just as quick as they are first made

and that sometimes, goodbyes are really forever....