Fame Is Transient

"You're nobody until you're being talked about." - Gossip Girl

famous, popular and renowned. those three words literally have the same meaning. they refer to somebody who is well-known and recognized by many people. teenagers nowadays are so obssessed with this one word called 'fame'. three basic things teenagers want to have so bad:

1. stealing the spotlight (like, everytime!)

2. looking chic and cool (everytime, too)

3. being on TOP

the three of them refer to the same word. fame. without fame, you are nobody. without fame, you are nothing. to be popular, you have to sacrifice some in order to get everything.

sadly, some teenagers totally get this 'fame' concept wrong. it's not only about being the attention, getting the attention and being recognized. rather than fame, it's way better to have a good REPUTATION. fame is transient, it is temporary. it could disappear in a blink of an eye. vanished.

do not hold on to fame, because when it's gone, you will find half of your body missing. however, losing fame is nothing compared to losing reputation. when fame is gone, people won't really care or notice it, but when your GOOD REPUTATION is gone, you will be thrown from society, banished, mocked, and you would have to start from zero again to gain that good reputation once more. it's as hard as gaining trust once again after you broke a promise. zillion times harder because some people don't believe in second chance.

I know that being bad is sad and being ordinary is even sadder, but back to my opinion, fame is not everything, but reputation is. don't ever let the good reputation slip away from your hands :)

Super-Spender

"Whoever said money didn't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop." - Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl

Marc Jacobs, Chanel, Armani, Burberry, Vera Wang, Stella McCartney, Lanvin, Christian Dior, Alexander McQueen, Oscar de la Renta and many more. they are enough reasons why girls want to look fabulous and shop like they're dying the next day. yup, money and labels are so essential and fundamental these days. a cheap knock-off simply wouldn't make you look glamorous and sparkling. buy Chanel, and you'll get the spotlight. as simple as that.

not all girls can afford these brands, so they have to be satisfied in buying the knock-off ones. some people say that 'you don't buy the thing, you buy the brand." that statement is utterly correct! you'll get the prestige after buying them. society will accept you and respect you more. I don't want to be a hypocrite saying I don't wanna own them, because in fact, I WANT TO HAVE THEM SO BAD.

however, realizing that I still can't make money on my own, then now I just have to be grateful with what I have. of course I sometimes envy those fashion bloggers who wear Yves Saint Laurent or L.A.M.B, but I tell myself over and over again that I will study well and get a prominent job. after repaying what my parents had given me before, I surely would indulge myself by buying whatever I want and splurge over the stuffs I have covetted.

one thing I always remind myself of, I shall not be complacent, arrogant and vain when I am showered by money. I have to be the same Natasha, humble and caring and cordial. one more thing, I think I won't be that proud if I can afford those things, but with my parents' money. the inner satisfaction just simply doesn't come to me. I want to but fabulous stuffs with my own money. sometimes I just can't help but cussing when I see girls my age spend unreasonable amount of money to fulfill their unreasonable wishes. I loathe girls who spend their parents' money without thinking. those girls, to me, are brainless.

money is essential to life. so, don't be a hypocrite saying "I don't need money." bear in mind that money can't buy everything, but almost everything needs money.

Escalating Myself

I frequently tell myself that as from this time onwards, I will have a more qualified and escalated life. not only life, I mean. but me, myself, has to improve and develop in every possible good way. day by day, I always try to toss the bad treats away, and welcome the good characteristics. however, I am well aware that sometimes, life can't always go the way we want it to. the are cracks and lacks in so many things. I can't hide or elude them, I merely have to live my life to the fullest and enjoy every little thing it brings.

talking about my life recently, there were indeed so many things happening. starting from saturday, when my mom was sick. I hate it when the ones I hold dearest to my heart get sick. everything is not the same, they become lifeless. luckily she has recovered by now, which is relieving! then to my sudden participation in ICON competition in Untar, I'm joining the news casting competition. actually I am traumatic about joining competitions. since junior high, I'm the type of person who was chosen to participate in many kinds of competitions. first grade of junior high, I and my friend, Fara, joined the try-outs for physics olympic (we both didn't make it. after a while I realized I couldn't stick to exact lessons such as math, physics, and chemistry) then on the third grade I joined a presentation competition with Stephanie (which was another failure! we had given the best, though). it was about hydrophonics planting. I even couldn't recall all competitions my school assigned me to. I am traumatic of not giving my best, of not winning, and of disappointing the people who believe in me.

I'm glad the other person to join the news casting is Zilvia. I mentioned her in my first post (just read my first post). she's so experienced. she's outstanding. so, from this second, over and over again, I'm gonna remind myself to not feel the heartache IF I don't win. the thing is, I am a very very competitive person. being ordinary is what I'm most afraid of. maybe because I'm a teenager, I'm still so energetic and wild that I want to give my best.

the next great thing is, here:


GEE, IT FINALLY CAME OUT. MORE THAN A MONTH ALREADY, BINUS!

what can I say? 3.90 is not bad. I am thankful. I hope it will be 4.00 this semester.

Tak Selalu Hitam Putih

currently, I have been wondering "what is the exact measurement that classifies people into being good or bad? into being BLACK or WHITE?" Because this world isn't just about the rights and wrongs or about being black or white. often times, there are an indescribable side which is named 'the gray side'.

the gray side doesn't fully occupy the black, but it also doesn't fill the white side. the gray side is always about being in the middle. the mid of right and wrong, guilty and not guilty, evil and good, ordinary and extraordinary.

as for me, I truly believe that I'm on the gray side. it's like Marilyn Monroe once said "I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I'm not the devil. I am pretty, but not beautiful." even a phenomenal Marilyn Monroe had the guts to say those words. that quote resembles me. A LOT. I'm always caught in the middle. I can be supremely good at times, but at some points I just can't hold back when darkness takes over. let me emphasize distinctly here, I am not that devilish, but don't expect me to be extremely kind, because sooner or later, I certainly, without any hesitation, am gonna disappoint you.

sometimes I even can't distinguish bad and good. I'm trapped in this riddle called LIFE. life is a game, I believe it. if life is not a game, why are there things called winning and losing? it is indeed a game, we, as human, just have to follow and learn its tricks and patterns. in life, you can't always get what you want.

to sum up, the gray side always exists. most of the people are on this side, for sure. if you don't believe it now, soon you will see what I really mean.

Kamsahamnida

it was indeed a long and exhausting day. note this, not tiring, but EXHAUSTING. I'm too lazy to tell all things, so let's just skip to the big part. today, I went to SAC in anggrek building to ask about scholarship programs. I was wondering if I get a cut in SKS fee because my GPA is 3.9 (self-calculated,the GPA hasn't appeared yet in Binusmaya. urgh, seriously, it's been almost a month) and the scholarship coordinator said that I'd get that cut in the 3rd term. lucky me! but for the following terms, in order to get a cut again, I should apply on becoming Duta Binusian. err. okay. I think I'll join. it's time for me to get more socialized. after all, I think this is the right time to be involved in organizational activities. all my life, I've been a passive student. not in class, but I never joined student body and stuffs.

so, I encouraged and commanded myself to develop my socializing skills. not bad, huh? later, when working, I'll have no problem when talking or assuring my boss, or important clients. pray for me because there will be selection for becoming Duta Binusian.

the next big thing is.... TADA.... it's not big, actually. so today was the re-registration for BNEC. I had classes today so I told scum2 to re-register me. the three of us: scum, dumbass, and me, agreed to take the same class. the sweet thing was, they let me to choose the class because their schedules and mine are hard to be matched. "bentrok" would be the exact word to describe it. we decided to take TOEFL 2. TOEFL, again and again. after previously in Eloquence I'd taken two TOEFL iBT classes, now it's TOEFL. again. but that's okay!!

the title of this post is dedicated to scum and dumbass. thanks. as I said before, you two are good boys who treat me in a different and special way. I'm grateful. flattered. thank you for letting me choose the class and time. infinite X's and O's for you two.

To: Marco

Marco,

pasti suatu saat gua bakal ngomong juga tentang ini ke lu

tentang gua yang membiarkan semuanya lewat tanpa ngasih penjelasan ke lu

kita udah kenal 6 tahun

jadi gua rasa lu udah tau gua kayak gimana dan gua kurang lebih juga tau lu gimana

gua ngerasa hubungan kita jadi aneh

apa cuma gua yang ngerasa aneh?

gua tau, gua bukan temen terbaik lu

tapi gua inget semua, bahkan detik di mana gua kenal lu

waktu 2 smp, pas lu pindah ke Kristo

waktu itu juga gua main ke kelas 2A dan lu masih sering isengin Pea pake gesper

waktu 3 smp, gantian lu sering main ke kelas gua

minta slai olai gua atau Oba

waktu 1 sma, pas lu berantem sm gua dan lu marah sekali

sampai berbulan-bulan lu ga ngomong sama gua

waktu 2 sma, pas kita duduk sebangku dan lu mulai lg ngomong sama gua

dan waktu 3 sma, di mana lu mungkin mendapat temen-temen yang lebih baik dari gua

emang kita ga selalu ngobrol, tapi bagi gua elu temen spesial, Marco

cuma lu yg bisa blak-blakan tanpa ragu ke gua

kalau gua aneh, lu yg bilang terang-terangan gua aneh

sampe pada saatnya lu deket sama Silvi

sampe pada saatnya gua ga pernah cerita apa-apa lagi ke lu

karena gua tau, yang cerita ke lu skrg Silvi

tapi, gua ga bisa rela dan terima, kalau lu perlahan-lahan ilang dari hidup gua

apalagi sejak masalah gua, Polim, Silvi

gua ga bisa terima kalau lu lebih belain Silvi

gua sedih kalau inget lu ngomong ke gua tentang masalah dia yang harusnya dia

omongin sendiri ke gua

gua emang salah. salah karena membiarkan diri gua jauh dari lu, tanpa jelasin hal yang

sesungguhnya terjadi

tapi gua juga sedih karena lu percaya tanpa berusaha nanya ke gua, apa yang sebenernya terjadi

sampe pas kita di Carita pun, gua ga kuasa ngomong dan jelasin masalah ini

tentang masalah gua dan dua orang itu, kalau gua ga pernah nyuruh dia mundur

tentang uneg-uneg gua, karena temen gua sejak smp lambat tapi pasti memudar

dari pandangan gua

jujur gua sedih pas lu bilang ke gua kalau gua nyuruh dia mundur

gua mau jelasin semuanya. tapi buat apa kalau lu sudah percaya dia?

sampe pas gua dan temen-temen nganter lu ke bandara, gua cuma bisa

menyaksikan punggung lu berjalan lebih jauh meninggalkan kita

sekarang, lu mungkin bahagia disana. gua juga seneng disini, tapi gua suatu saat

pasti akan bilang hal ini.

seringkali, gua bingung, kenapa kita bisa kayak gini? sifat gua sama lu memang

jauh beda. mungkin gua bukan temen yang baik.

kalau ada orang yang paling bisa bikin lu kesel dan marah, mungkin itu gua.

kadang-kadang, gua mikir, semua akan lebih mudah kalau kita stay di smp aja

selamanya.

di mana ga ada masalah.

di mana rambut lu masih lurus, kasar, dan ga ikal

di mana badan lu masih gendut

di mana kita masih bisa ngerayain ultah lu dan Oba di Pizza Hut

gua pingin balik ke masa-masa itu aja, Marco.

tanpa harus melangkah ke SMA di mana...

kita berantem dua kali.

gua berteman dengan siapa, elu berteman dengan siapa.

andai ada kesempatan kayak pas lu pulang ke Jakarta dan kita ke TA

trus pulangnya jem 10an lu nganterin gua pas jalan sepi, gua akan ngomong hal ini semua

mungkin lu akan marah, lebih marah dari pas kita kelas 1 SMA. tapi gua cuma pingin jujur.

karena menurut gua, elu temen cowo yang spesial.

gua pingin denger lagi kata-kata "elu sahabat gua Nat, makanya gua ngomong ini semua ke lu."

gak apa-apa lu mau ngebanyol dan ngomong sampe pagi, asal kita bisa kayak dulu.

tiap gua liat foto perpisahan kita pas 3 SMP, gua pingin detik itu juga loncat ke masa lalu

jadi, Marco, terlepas dr lu anggep gua spesial atau nggak,

gua pasti selamanya akan inget kalau dulu pas gua remaja,

gua punya temen yang pecicilan, suka nyasar, mulutnya tajam, tapi baik hati karena selalu

menginginkan yang paling baik untuk kawan-kawannya.

gua akan inget lu. selalu.

Quasimodo

today, something happened.

I was doing nothing, sitting and my eyes were wandering.

I was almost in trance, when suddenly a drop of tear from both of my eyes overflowed my cheek.

why did that happen? I was perplexed.

this is what I'm most afraid of, that my old wounds would re-emerge to the surface.

that the other side of me, the full-of-heartache me would take over the real me.

then for like a second, those unhappy things came in a flash.

the betrayal. the leaving friends. the old wounds.

I'm frightened. I'm scared. I'm fearful.

frightened that this was the manifestation of the unsaid and upsetting things I should have said.

scared that I cried because I bury to many sad experiences.

fearful that forever, I won't be able to forgive and forget.

By Chance

we met by chance

you and I... the three of us.

we haven't known each other for a long time

but, I truly believe....

that being precious to other people isn't measured by how long I've known you

that the most valuable people usually come in a blink of an eye

that someday, even if you two are not with me anymore, you'll still remain in my heart

that I will always reminisce the times and funny moments we had

thank you, for treating me like a princess

in 18 years of living, no man ever treated me like you two

I'll always remember; the smiles, the laughters, the warmest times we had

amis pour toujours, dumbass and scum

Simple Little Goodness

I truly and always believe that in life, simple little things are the keys to the fullest happiness. that's why whenever someone does even the smallest yet helpful deed for me, that person, without him or her knowing, has been rewarded a special place in my heart.

little goodness in life can come in any form. it can come in physical and concrete shapes or unseen yet valuable inner satisfaction that suddenly catches our heart. the following pictures are simple little goodnesses that console me currently.

1.

Blogging

2.
Goong Palace manga

3.
XXX Holic manga

4.
Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles manga

5.
Oxford Bookworms Novels (retold) wow I desperately want to read this one!!

OMONA....!!!!

GILAGILAGILAGILA.

sebenernya pas gua nulis ini semuanya pingin gua CAPS LOCK-in, tapi nanti malah jelek dan susah dibaca gitu.

satu kata buat ini hari: AMPAS.

gua akan mulai ceritakan. tidak pakai bahasa inggris karena ini post ga cocok pake b.ing, akan merusak keaslian ceritanya dan yah pokoke ga cocoklah!

jadi hari ini, Kamis, 3 Maret 2011, adalah hari yg bener bener siyet abis. padahal gua gak ada feeling nih hari bisa sejelek gini. jadi gua kulaih jem 7-1 hari ini. mata kuliah gua adalah CB, Active Listening, sama Introduction to Linguistics.

CB: oke-oke aja. tugas kelompok oke, mana ga kedapetan giliran presentasi lagi, bagus deh. tapi si Lia kasian, udah dia sendiri yg bikin itu tugas kelompok, mana dia yg disuruh baca, untung dia ga mau. tampangnya dah ga enak bener pas maju ke depan. kadang gua ga abis pikir sm anak jaman sekarang, dikuliahin malah males-malesan, kalo gitu mah langsung dikawinin aja kali BZZZZZZZZZZ.

Active Listening: err.. oke. dengerin tentang Tom Sawyer. ini si Tom dah ada di buku semester satu gua jd gua tau ceritanya.

Introduction to Linguistics: gilagila. kuis dadakan coi! sebenernya ga dadakan juga sih, karena dosennya dah bilang tiap pertemuan selalu siap2 dan baca2 untuk kuis. tapi ga nyangka aja br pertemuan dua udh JEBRET! kuis. sungguh teganyateganyateganya. okelah untung gua bisa kuisnya. malemnya g dah baca2 in case bakalan kuis n ternyata beneran aje kan! trus pagi2nya lagi gua juga pas listening nyolong2 hapalin sm Lia sm Dessy. FIUH.......

pulang: NAH INI NIH! BIKIN NAIK DARAH SAMPE URAT URAT JIDAT GUA MAU PUTUS. jadi dr kmrn gua ma Dessy dah sepakat mau minjem buku text british culture yg tandon di anggrek. jadi maksudnya tuh karena tandon, gua sm Dessy fotokopi satu dulu br nanti itu satu diperbanyak buat anak-anak sekelas. trus udh dong kucluk kucluk g ma Dessy ke perpus. trus ketemu Melisa sm Wilton taunya mereka dah pinjem bukunya. trus kira2 gini dialognya:

Dessy: eh, nat, tuh Melisa sm Wilton juga minjem.
gua: oh yaudah sama sama aja fotokopinya,
Melisa: lu pd juga mau fotokopi? iyah gua minggu dpn yg presentasi jadi kita pinjem mau fotokopi.

-jeda-

entah gimana cara, Melisa dah ga ada, gua sm Dessy berdua ke tukang fotokopi depan Anggrek. trus siyet seribu siyet deh, itu abang lagi rame2nya mungkin karena lagi semester baru jd high season gitu (alah udh kyk hotel apa villa aja pas liburan namanya high season)

Dessy: mas, fotokopi ini yah 2.
Abang-abang: wah tapi baru bisa diambil jam 5,dek. tadi ada juga yg mau fotokopi ini.
Gua: wah bang tapi ini cuma dipinjemin sekitar 2 jem aja.
Abang: yaudah jem 4 deh.
gua dan Dessy: -hening, bertatapan sekian detik-
gua: siapa yg mo nungguin sampe jem 4 coba?

singkat kata, akhirnya gua sm Dessy hubungin Melisa, supaya itu buku dibalikkin dl, br dipinjem lg atas nama Melisa. dia kan ngekos jd no problemo tuh nungguin fotokopiannya.

eh tapi katanya ga boleh dibalikkin, denda gitu 20rb kalo mau dibalikkin. yaudah dong akhirnya gua bilang:

gua: yaudah, kalo gitu, melisa fotokopi, flazz na Dessy titip ke lu aja Mel nanti bsk kan Dessy BNMC, dia br ambil buku sm flazz na di lu.
dessy n mel: yaudah.

udah dong, gua pikir, habis perkara. trus gua pulang sm Dessy, Melisa fotokopi. pulang-pulang setelah menerobos hujan dan kejeduk di angkot sampe ibu2 berjilbab yg di angkot pada serentak teriak "ADUH!!" padahal yg kejeduk siape ya, Bu. hehehe tapi makasih atas perhatiannya ya, Bu. trus gua laper, pulang-pulang disambut nyokap yg bilang "duh anakku batuk" ini batuk hari ke 54, Mama. gua masak shin ramyun sampe megap-megap gelagapan mabok ramyun yg ekstra jumbo gitu bagi gua. pedes juga lagi. trus gua ngadem di kamar, baca Goong jilid 18 (seru abis!!!), denger lagu, ketiduran 10 menit. pas bangun gua cek hp, ada sms dr Dessy "flazz gua ilang nih. gimana ya?" lsg gua bales "ilang gimana? kok bisa" trus Dessy jawab katanya Melisa cari2 dah ga ada.

terus......

kenapa gua kesel dan emosi??

karena gua mikir kenapa sih jd seribet ini, pdhl simpel, cuma mau fotokopi buat 22 anak yg pesen buku british na. trus, kenapa pake ilang segala lagi?? gua partly kesel sm Melisa knp bisa ilang, tapi percuma juga, gua marah itu flazz juga ga akan balik. dalam hati gua, "sabar Natasha, sabar....."

trus Dessy akhirnya kasian musti ngurus flazz lg. bukan masalah apanya, ke kantor polisinya ribet. salut gua sm dia dia ga marah ke Melisa. kalo gua jadi Dessy gua berani menjamin 100% demi apapun gua akan MARAH, MELEDAK, TERIAK2 DENGAN LEBAI ABIS ke Melisa. karena gua tipe yg kalo dikasih tanggung jawab akan gua jalanin sebaik-baiknya. gua juga pernah ngalamin hal yg ga enak pas sma, terutama kalo buku pe-er gua dioper oper seenaknya tanpa ijin. gua sih no problem anak-anak nyontek pe-er gua, tapi hendaknya tanggung jawab dan ijin dulu jd gua ga kebingungan.

kesimpulan: meski nih hari gua kuis dadakan, kena ujan, kejeduk dan menjadi kontroversi di angkot dengan mata-mata yang memandang ke gua (MALU ABIS, cuy!), berkorban sm Dessy bolak balik minjem n ngurusin itu buku text british kampret, gua BELAJAR sesuatu. apa? tanggung jawab. rela berkorban. dan gua jd tau posisi org yg sering disuruh ngapa2in tu gmn. kyk office boy gitu, kan sama jg kyk gua. bedanya, gua sm Dessy demi anak-anak kelas. sedangkan office boy dibabuin boss-nya (itu sebenernya tugas dia juga sih).

yaudah lah ya, at least gua dapet pelajaran. karena gua percaya, sejelek apapun hari lu pasti ada sesuatu yg bisa dipetik. maap ya ngeluh2 gini, gua sebenernya ga suka dengan keluh-keluhan kok.

Trust

wah gila udah lama banget ga nulis pake bahasa indonesia yg ngaco plus ngocol plus slenge. kangen bookkkkkk. gua demen sih nulis pake Inggris, secara itu membantu banget untuk writing skills gua. tapi kangen juga bahasa nenek moyang kite. akhir-akhir ini gua keki sm ga abis pikir tentang hal bernama 'kepercayaan'. kita tau kalo idup di jaman gini, percaya itu penting banget, tapi kalo terlalu percaya ujung2nya juga ditipu. dan kalo udah ditipu, JLEB! JLEB! hati lu rasanya kayak ditancepin golok *asli lebai tingkat dewa gua*

gua jadi me-recall kejadian ga enak dan mungkin ga bakal gua lupain seumur idup. mungkin pas umur 30 tahun atau jadi perawan tua gua baru bakal bisa cengar-cengir sendiri nginget hal ini. tapi untuk sekarang ini, jangankan ngakak, kalo inget kejadiannya g langsung pingin jejelin itu dua orang yg bersalah itu ke tong sampah.

jadi gini, dari 3 smp, gua suka ma seseorang. duh, pasti yg baca bilang gini deh 'anak sekarang ga jauh2 dr urusan cinta' ya tapi gapapalah, kan namanya juga anak muda. dulu g mikir nih cowo kece abis, markotop banget deh. anggep aja nama nih cowo paijo. paijo pinter, oke, tampang lumayan, orangnya ramah. gua jadi inget hal-hal yang bego banget yg udah gua lakuin. pas banjir2 3 smp, ga jadi retret, gua numpang ngecas hp ke wartel krn rumah mati lampu selama banjir smbl nongkrong n ngalor ngidul sm mbak wartel na, duh tuh mbak TOP banget, gaul! enak diajak ngomong. buat apa gua bela-belain bolak-balik ke wartel ngecas? ya buat smsan sm dia lah. trus ada lagi, karena dia ini org yg agak rentan sakit gt, 2 smp kakinya patah, 3 smp tangannya patah, 2 sma matanya pendarahan kena kok bulutangkis, gua selalu sms dia ada tugas apa aja, pr apa aja, gurunya sampe ngapain n temen2 ngapain, g selalu sms dia. ga keitung deh sm g sendiri brp kali g menghibur dia di kala surem, mem-push dia cerita n jd org yg terbuka sm org lain sm ngebuat dia percaya tiap kali dia kepahitan ma ortu na.

duh, pokoknya, semua daya upaya gua lakukan meskipun gua ga pernah nembak dia. gua anti nembak cowo deh seumur idup. kalo usaha ya bolehlah tp kalo nembak cowo itu ga mungkin, karena abis nembak mungkin g akan lsg gantung diri ke pohon beringin yg banyak kuntilanaknya. nembak cowo itu MEMALUKAN dan bikin harga diri merosot. terus, singkat kata pas 2 sma akhirnya kita tau feeling masing2. tapi ya g tau dia ga bs pacaran sblm lulus, g jg kok. ga mau pacaran sblm lulus sma. dah gitu, kita makin deket. jelang 3 sma mgkn temen2 d kelas jg tau g ada apa2 ma dia.

pas 3 sma, makin ga jelas deh. kekasih bukan, temen lebih. ya gt deh kasarnya. HTS apa TTM silakan simpulkan. nah, terereng eng ing eng, mulai deh dateng masalah pas 3 sma. intinya ada orang ketiga bernama surti. surti ini ngaku kok ke gua dia demen ma paijo dr mulai 2 sma semester 2. ya gua sbg cewe yg naif dan sepenuhnya percaya pada paijo, langsung kebakaran jenggot, panas, ketar-ketir deh. trus paijo jg ga jelas lg, maunya apa.

pas lebaran 3 sma tuh, si paijo murtad, durjana, sialan itu ngaku dia bingung sm feeling na. dia suka gua tp jg ada rasa sm surti. nah, bingung kan? gua juga bingung. trs intinya karena g tau ujung2nya bakal ga enak, mending mundur skrg. mereka jg bilang mending sahabatan aja lah kalau gini nnt malah ga enak. okeh. dengan begonya ya gua percaya. trus surti ambil jurusan yg sm ma paijo pdhl tadinya dia mau ambil dkv. g dah tau nih ujung2nya pasti ada pengkhianatan dan konspirasi menipu gua dr belakang.

eh tau2nya....!! bener aje, dia pada ingkar sm kata2nya yg bilang 'gua juga mundur' dan 'sahabatan aja yuk' apa itu apa itu??!! kalo boleh dibilang, gua ga pernah luh marah semarah gua sm dua pengkhianat itu. gua sampe skrg ga bs maafin mrk, which is sad. dan gua belajar satu hal, don't put your trust fully on someone. sisain 20 atau 30% deh, jgn seratus persen percaya.

sakitnya, gua udh 4 tahun loh suka. 4 tahun cuy! gua kl suka ma orang mang lama n gua tipe yg susah suka sm orang. gua jg inget kata2 sayang yg dia ucapin itu tau bener tau boong. gua jg ga tau kata2 'lu yg buat gua berubah,nat' itu bener apa boong. skrg g bener2 trauma suka sm orang, karena love comes, love fades. terlalu sakit ati aja nginget dan ngenangnya. betapa seseorang pernah begitu berarti dalam hidup lu, tapi in a blink of an eye, it's gone. gone and will never come back.

skrg gua ga tau apa dia msh inget sm kenangan2 kita, selama 4 tahun itu, berhubung dia udh sm surti skrg. g jadi bertanya tanya, buat apa mencintai kalau toh suatu saat, jika org yg lu cintai udh ga sm2 lu, memori2 dan hal2 yg udh dilewatin itu lewat tanpa berbekas di hati org tsb. lenyap. sirna. gone. yg gua percaya sampe skrg cuman tuh 2 orang bertanggung jawab atas sakit yg g rasain. ibaratnya, darah di hati gua udh kering, air mata gua udh abis, tp sakit dan parut luka2 itu msh berbekas.

gua harep pas g udh umur 25an gua bakal bs ngeliat dan nginget peristiwa ini dengan senyuman. senyuman akan ketololan gua pas remaja. tolol karena begitu mudahnya percaya, tolol karena dengan begitu mudahnya mencinta. skrg gua bener2 trauma untuk suka siapa2. g belum sembuh meskipun dah setahun lebih peristiwa itu terjadi. sakit. masih sakit. terlalu sakit. kalo sampe ada cowo yg bisa ngebuat g suka dan bs menyayangi lg, cowo yg mencintai gua sepenuh hati, gua akan mempersembahkan diri gua ke dukun manapun deh. karena itu ga mungkin.

gua capek.

buat surti dan paijo, kalo lu berdua dateng n jilat sepatu gua pun untuk minta maaf, g blm bisa maafin lu pd. karena lu berdua, yang satu lelaki yg pernah gua sayang selama 4 tahun, yg satu temen yg g anggep baik, udah ngajarin gua tentang pengkhianatan yg bisa dilakukan 2 teman sekaligus.

ini yang gua learn tentang trust. building trust is easy. rebuilding it is zillion times harder. especially kl lu dah dikhianatin sm org yg lu percaya. percaya sm gua, sakitnya bener2 long lasting dan lu bakal susah memaafkan.

Human Nature, huh?

I don't know if I am possessed by some kind of ghost right now but I am a hundred percent passionate in writing these days. I have lots of things in my mind but I have nowhere to share it except in my prayers every night so I decide to pour my thoughts to my blog.

this time I want to write about human nature. these days, i am experiencing a bad experience about some women lecturers. i won't mention their names. after all, this is just my feeling, i don't know whether it's just my feeling or it is real, but some women lecturers only recognize the boys' names. my hypothesis is, it's women's nature of being a little flirty and coquettish. seriously, sometimes, that kind of attitude annoys me. i just hope lecturers could divide their attention fairly on both girls and boys.

ah~ maybe it's just my silly thought? but often times, my thoughts and guesses turn out to be correct.

That Should Be Me

That should be me who.......

1. punches you both in the face

2. tosses a dumpster right to your heads

3. tortures your life while I can

4. betrays the two of you before you betrayed me

5. makes you both pay for the pain you caused me

thanks to both of you who taught me that not every person can be labeled as 'friends'. you two taught me about betrayal and stabbing someone's back.

I hope you two enjoy the pain you caused me. just remember that KARMA EXISTS.

Sometimes, Goodbyes Are Really Forever

two people falling in love is a funny thing.

they meet, greet, smile, and fall easily for each other.

but, why is it, love flies as easy as when love first comes?

why is it, people fall in love as quick as they fall out of love?

why is it so easy for a person to find a new person to love?

of all the nightmares, this is the worst one for me

knowing that I probably will never fall in love again

now I understand

that holding hands are different from falling in love

that kisses don't always mean something

that promises can be broken just as quick as they are first made

and that sometimes, goodbyes are really forever....

Hei-Ho, y'all!!

I know very well that no one's gonna be reading this post except my Short Essay Writing teacher, Mr. Irfan. tee-hee. this blog was made basically for this writing class, but I will blog other things too when I want to write. may I, Mr?

so the past few days were uneventful except for the scores posted in Binusmaya. I can't really say that I'm disappointed because the scores are quite satisfying. hahaha. from 9 subjects, I got 8 A's and only 1 B. I'm gonna say it right now 'Puji Tuhan, Hallelujah, amin.'

because no one's gonna be reading this blog, I will show you my final scores. they go as follows:




the magnificent and unbelievable thing was, tererereeng!! I got an A for my Communicative Skills!! it was like a dream. still, I couldn't believe it. why? because the lecturer is Mr. David. my seniors say that it's really hard to get an A in his class because he's so... you know, professional. he also sets high standards too. thank Jesus!

today, I chatted with BNEC's president, Zilvia. today, she's officially a new person I look up to. she is adorable in great ways. she's an excellent speaker, an outstanding student (I heard her GPAs are always amazing), a good money-maker (she teaches too). the thing is, she can maintain having good scores while on the other hand, she teaches private courses. I see, the key is, time management. gee, I have no idea how a girl with a small body can manage those things, I mean, she's a student, she's a teacher, she's a president of a prominent club. conclusion: what a multitasker she is. unlike me, seriously, I'm a jobless student. I still ask my parents for pocket-money. whoa, I'm so helpless and pathetic. so, in return, I will study well, mom and dad!! hopefully I will graduate in summa cumlaude!

oh, I'm so sorry for not using correct capitalizations. I'm so lazy hahaha. truly sorry. jeongmal mianhae,yeorobeun!